At the end of a rainbow

Lucy found her diamond sky

Fragments of humanity

on January 3, 2012

I could not resist uploading fragments of a letter from a loved one for the sheer honesty and raw truth of life-
“…I reached office as usual, but rather unusually, the door wouldn’t let me through! Machines can be very difficult to get through and I found this out the hard way. After standing in front of the door and staring at it for what seemed like an eternity it opened. Not in any way, due to my legendary power of will but because someone opened it from inside (to, in all probability, visit the loo and relieve him/herself). I failed to register the person’s gender, in part to my absent-mindedness and also because of the momentary irritation at my inability to punch through the door. Pun intended. As soon as I sat on my desk, looked around and gazed at the familiar robotic faces of my ‘Colleagues’. Members of my team were yet to arrive, so the people I am referring to are those from the other teams. With a blank expression on his face, on of them turned to me, his hands resting against the keyboard, fingers ready to strike the keyboard in a bizarre rhythm. With an equally blank expression he looked away from me. No wishes for a good morning, or even the year ahead or the year that was. I suddenly realised that, to him, I was probably ‘the guy’ with the blank expression, a touch creepier, because I kept looking at him without batting an eyelid or uttering some customary noise, while he did the hard work of turning his neck ! I felt like ‘Nams’ from ‘the land of Tobors’ a story I had read in my english textbook back in primary school. I felt robotic, devoid of sensation, even if only for a second, but I did. And in that instant I realised that as soon as I had become a robot, I had gone back to being human. Becuase only a human can think the way I did.. right?

To restore some sense into a day which began fairly surreally, I decided to read mails. Yeah, as if that was going to make things any better. Needless to say, the little exercise didn’t help. I called you up then and thankfully, in an abnormal morning, normalcy returned when like everyday, I got a chance to speak to you. Warmth engulfed me when I heard your mischievous, lively voice, complete with a hint of morning croak, which one gets to hear only if one catches you early or rouses you from a nap. 🙂 That conversation prpbably salvaged my day and the sun seemed to have come out of nowhere…

But the day had only just begun. It’s not a secret, that I greatly ‘admire’ my work. It never fails to instigate my stomach into emptying itself. It goes without saying, that a considerable amount of my energy is spent in ensuring that my insides and all those things that have been shoved inside, stay where they belong. Today was no different. A lot of pending tickets were to be dealt with. If not for the term ‘ticketing’ coined by a beautiful damsel, I would have pulled out whatever part of my once majestic mane remains. Seriously, that term is a life-saver. It brings a smile to my face every few hours. Even though it makes me look creepy, I enjoy its soft ring in my ears. Add to those tickets the tasks assigned, throw in a change of work place, and you have the right recipe for driving anyone-who-is-not-a-robot insane! That obviously cranked up my levels of cranky-ness and before long frustration set in. I did crack a few lame jokes and people did laugh at their stupidity, but I could feel my insides getting eaten up. Strange, how one can be all cheerful outside and yet feel hollow inside. Maybe it was the emptiness which was making all the noise 🙂 (wry)..

Task, codes, frameworks- these words seldom make sense to me. I look at lines of code and barely make out the logic each one is trying to dictate. Yet, I have , mecahnically, started learning the art of intuitively picking up reusable code and , well, reusing it :p Cut-Copy-Paste is the central dogma of the IT industry and I, the young puppy, in a field of dogs, is picking up the art slowly. Obviously, the sensible part of me doesn’t allow me to do things blindly. So I spend time trying to make sense of technical jargon and alien terms, losing time while my contemporaries charge ahead in the race to be ‘Top Dogs’ …As the day came to a close, murphy’s laws swung into action and work started increasing. I am partly to be blamed for that because, in my mind-numbing stupor, I kept pushing work on to the back-burner choosing in its stead, to observe the rat race. It seems so easy, so convince oneself that people are greedy and hence are in the race. But, so many things come into play and at at times unwillling souls also get sucked into it because of the circumstances they are in.
On my way back, as I dwelled on these thoughts, I was reminded of the days when I was far from slaying the demons of hopelessness and failure who plagued me in school. I had employed a simple strategy of doing things at my own pace, which turned out to be rather quick, and taking my own time. All this, without thinking about competition, without giving in to frustration or hopelessness and without a mechanical approach….Sometimes all we need to do is stick to the basics…”

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One response to “Fragments of humanity

  1. N says:

    “Sometimes all we need to do is stick to the basics”

    How true.

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